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Perryopolis Pitfalls, Dolly Drama & Haunted Airbnb Shenanigans
Lern was supposed to stay at a Dolly Parton-themed hotel. That sentence alone sounds magical. Unfortunately, the hotel wasn’t finished. After booking the Nashville stay months in advance for a trip surrounding the Foo Fighters, Lern and Tim learned shortly before arriving that their Dolly accommodations still weren’t ready for actual human beings. The hotel staff was extremely accommodating — because apparently that’s the Dolly way — and offered to help them find somewhere else. Lern eventually landed in an Airbnb. Which is convenient, because this funny show immediately turns into a discussion about Airbnbs that would make most reasonable people sleep in their cars instead. The crew discovers you can stay in the actual Pennsylvania house used as Buffalo Bill’s home in The Silence of the Lambs. It’s in Perryopolis, a town name that Moon and Rafe immediately decide needs to be investigated for crimes against geography. Perryville? Too normal. Perry Town? Not enough grandeur. Perryopolis? Now we’re cooking. And the house itself has gone completely all-in. The basement scenes involving Buffalo Bill’s infamous well weren’t originally filmed there, so naturally the current owner had a replica constructed inside the house. Guests can climb into it, take pictures and apparently even propose marriage from inside the pit, because nothing says “spend forever with me” like recreating a serial killer’s basement. There’s also a motion-activated disco ball that plays “Goodbye Horses.” Worth the trip. Throw in themed packages, horror memorabilia, an arcade, a pool table and hundreds of horror movies on DVD and VHS, and suddenly the crew is seriously considering a group vacation to Perryopolis. Lern is absolutely sleeping there. Devon apparently wants the well. Everybody seems surprisingly comfortable with this. From haunted vacation rentals, the conversation makes the completely natural transition into karaoke — specifically, songs you should absolutely NOT attempt unless your goal is public humiliation. The crew runs through a ranking of brutally difficult karaoke choices, including “I Will Always Love You,” “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “Dream On,” “Take On Me,” “Chandelier,” “Somebody to Love,” “Emotions,” “Barracuda,” “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” “Informer,” “Purple Rain,” “Chop Suey!” and several other songs requiring vocal abilities that Chad from accounting simply does not possess. Lern and Rafe argue that terrible karaoke is actually the point. Nobody wants to watch twelve consecutive musical-theater kids nail obscure Broadway songs like they’re auditioning for a touring production. We want danger. We want confidence unsupported by talent. We want somebody three drinks deep suddenly deciding they can sing System of a Down. That is entertainment. Rizz, meanwhile, treats karaoke like The Voice, mentally turning his chair whenever somebody actually pulls off the impossible. And yes, the crew demonstrates some of these songs themselves. You’re welcome. The conversation also uncovers another deeply unfair fact about Alan Ritchson: apparently Jack Reacher can sing, too. Being enormous and handsome was already plenty, sir. Leave something for everybody else. Then it’s time for Crap on Celebrities, and the funny show dives directly into entertainment chaos. Benny Blanco’s relationship advice basically comes down to understanding your partner, communicating and not being a jerk — an apparently revolutionary romantic strategy. The crew talks Ella Langley’s massive chart success, Kacey Musgraves, Stevie Nicks opening up about her history with cocaine and Klonopin, Tony Iommi reportedly passing on another Black Sabbath album and Moon explaining why producer Andrew Watt’s willingness to throw endless ideas around can be such an asset in the studio. John Carpenter’s admiration for Metallica also sparks speculation about how his visual style could fit with a giant immersive production. Which brings us to the Sphere. Who’s next? Metallica? Oasis? Coldplay? Nope. Oprah. The show discusses Oprah Winfrey bringing an immersive production to the Las Vegas Sphere, and initially nobody can figure out what that is supposed to look like. Giant Oprah? Inspirational quotes covering 160,000 square feet? “You get a Sphere! YOU get a Sphere!” But then Moon discovers musician Jacob Collier is involved and executes one of the fastest opinion reversals in show history. Suddenly, he’s in. Completely in. Moon launches into an enthusiastic defense of Collier’s musicianship and creativity while everybody else tries to figure out how the conversation went from mocking Oprah at the Sphere to Moon volunteering hundreds of dollars for tickets. That’s growth. Or something. Celebrity chaos continues with Stagecoach talk, Florida Georgia Line, the Emmys, Reba’s Dolly Parton tribute, Dave Chappelle’s announced tour and Martha Stewart apparently considering releasing nude photos. Which, naturally, gives Rafe the opportunity to invite everyone to “Martha’s Vineyard.” We apologize. Things briefly get much more serious when the show discusses a reported death possibly involving a counterfeit oxycodone pill containing fentanyl. The crew talks about the danger of counterfeit pills and the importance of Narcan, including the need to call 911 and the possibility that multiple doses may be necessary in an opioid overdose. Then celebrity family drama arrives with a discussion about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s children dropping Pitt from their names, leading to a larger conversation about family relationships, famous last names and the obvious reality that none of us actually knows what happens inside somebody else’s home. Finally, the episode becomes an accidental soundtrack debate. What are the greatest songs ever attached to movies? What are the worst? Titanic. Dirty Dancing. Saturday Night Fever. Rocky. Philadelphia. Frozen. Wild Wild West. The Three Musketeers. An American Tail. Moon gets emotionally invested in Fievel. Lern would like everyone to return to Patrick Swayze. Rafe remembers the reign of terror that was Bryan Adams. And somewhere along the way, Pitbull gets accused of reminding everybody that he’s Mr. Worldwide in every song like he’s legally required to provide identification. So yes, this episode starts with Dolly Parton hospitality, travels to Buffalo Bill’s basement, crashes a karaoke bar, discovers Jack Reacher can sing, sends Oprah to the Sphere and ends up debating whether Fievel has been given the musical respect he deserves. Exactly the kind of funny show where nobody knows where the conversation is going — especially the people having it. Welcome to Perryopolis. Please put the lotion in the basket before checkout. Follow The Rizzuto Show → linktr.ee/rizzshow for more from your favorite daily comedy show. Connect with The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast online → 1057thepoint.com/RizzShow. Hear The Rizz Show daily on the radio at 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio in St. Louis, MO. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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