The Rizzuto Show | Daily Comedy Podcast
The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast | 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio | Gamut Podcast Network
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Hump Day Hijinks, Helicopter Horrors & Birthday Shenanigans
It’s Hump Day, Melissa’s birthday, and somehow a perfectly innocent celebration turns into helicopters, billion-dollar lottery tickets, homoerotic contractor pranks, seductive Halloween pumpkins, Yellowstone garbage and grown men discovering emotions inside a hardware store. So, basically, Wednesday. Today’s daily comedy starts with a very special guest joining The Rizzuto Show. Melissa donated $5,000 directly to Ronald McDonald House Charities of St. Louis through Donny Fandango's Radiothon, and her reward — or punishment, depending on how you view this program — is spending her birthday sitting in with Rizz, Lern, Moon, Rafe and Devon. She’s officially part of the show for the morning, which means she also gets the complete Rizz Show experience: jelly bean threats, potential internet trolls and absolutely no guarantee that the conversation will remain normal for more than 45 seconds. Happy birthday, Melissa. You paid for this. Rizz kicks things off by offering a choice between good luck and bad luck. Naturally, everyone chooses bad luck. And BAD luck arrives immediately. The crew talks about their experiences flying in helicopters, including Lern’s Blackhawk ride, Moon sitting in the co-pilot seat during a Grand Canyon helicopter tour as a kid, Rafe rappelling from military helicopters and Rizz taking a helicopter tour around St. Louis. Cool experiences. Then Rizz brings up a horrifying helicopter crash story involving a news chopper that went down in California while heading to cover another deadly crash. The helicopter reportedly crashed into a commercial lot, killing the reporter, pilot and a person on the ground. Which leads to one of those deeply uncomfortable Rizz Show questions nobody expects to answer before breakfast: What song would you want playing in your headphones if a helicopter was falling directly toward you? “Free Bird.” “Stairway to Heaven.” “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” “Fly Like an Eagle.” Morbid? Absolutely. But if fate is going full Final Destination, apparently this crew wants a decent soundtrack. Fortunately, the bad-luck story gets followed by some VERY good luck. Remember that massive Powerball ticket sold in Quincy, Illinois? The winner has officially stepped forward. He reportedly bought ONE $2 Quick Pick ticket and won a jackpot worth more than $1 billion before ultimately choosing the roughly $450.5 million lump-sum option before taxes. Not a bad return on two bucks. The anonymous winner instantly gives the show another opportunity to revisit its complicated relationship with Quincy, including the infamous horse stories that the city would probably appreciate us forgetting sometime before 2050. Moon even admits he once encountered a guy wearing a Quincy shirt on a cruise and felt morally obligated to explain exactly what that shirt might mean to certain Rizz Show listeners. Public service. You’re welcome, Quincy. The crew debates whether lottery winners should remain anonymous, whether you take the lump sum or annuity and what happens when hundreds of millions of dollars suddenly land in your account. Rafe’s answer basically involves buying an island. Everyone else is trying to calculate investments. And somewhere in Quincy, one extremely rich person is hopefully shopping for a Lamborghini while desperately avoiding everyone he has ever met. Then the conversation somehow becomes homeownership. Rafe has had contractors working around his house and discovers somebody left him a very special Easter egg in the basement: two extremely adult playing cards strategically displayed near a papasan chair. Meaning every contractor walking downstairs may have assumed Rafe had constructed the saddest private viewing lounge in St. Louis. Nobody knows who did it. Rafe has a suspect. The prankster remains at large. Homeownership also means Rafe needs tools, lawn equipment and all the other accessories required to slowly transform a comedian into Hank Hill. That brings us to the true love story of today’s daily comedy: Rafe and Rick’s Ace Hardware. Rafe went shopping and apparently experienced customer service so wonderful that he nearly had an emotional breakthrough between the lawnmowers and leaf blowers. The store was clean. The employees were helpful. Nobody ran away from him. Nobody pressured him into seventeen memberships. A guy actually knew where things were. It was everything Rafe never knew he needed. Within minutes, the crew has turned this helpful hardware employee into Rafe’s long-lost father, complete with imaginary forehead kisses, parking-lot tears and profound disappointment when Dad discovers Rafe drives a Toyota Tacoma instead of a Ford or Chevy. Rick was tender. Rafe may never recover. From hardware we naturally move into Halloween because the decorations are already taking over stores and Lern is considering going big this year. Possibly 15-foot-skeleton big. She also wants floating witch hats and purple lighting inspired by Salem, while Rafe is preparing to unleash his collection of Halloween inflatables now that he finally has enough room. Follow The Rizzuto Show → linktr.ee/rizzshow for more from your favorite daily comedy show. Connect with The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast online → 1057thepoint.com/RizzShow. Hear The Rizz Show daily on the radio at 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio in St. Louis, MO. 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