The Rizzuto Show | Daily Comedy Podcast
The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast | 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio | Gamut Podcast Network
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Candleboxes, Concerts & Comedic Contests
Nothing exposes how differently your coworkers’ brains function quite like asking them to name a country in Europe and putting concert tickets on the line. This episode of The Rizzuto Show brings us another round of “Just the Two of Us,” the deceptively simple contest where callers pick two members of the show, Rafe asks five questions, and those two people attempt to match at least three answers. Easy, right? Absolutely not. Before the competition begins, Rizz takes a trip through “Back in the Day,” remembering everything from The Carol Burnett Show and Little House on the Prairie to Warrant’s “Cherry Pie,” Johnny Unitas, John Ritter and one of the Internet’s earliest great gifts: Nick Nolte’s spectacularly disheveled mugshot. Then it's time to give away concert tickets, and suddenly this daily comedy becomes the most stressful game show in St. Louis. The prize pile is loaded with Candlebox, Violent Femmes, Toadies, Babymetal and the final precious pairs of Rush tickets. Unfortunately for the listeners, their ability to attend these concerts depends entirely on whether members of the Rizz Show can agree on incredibly complicated concepts like “an ocean.” Devon and Moon kick things off for caller Adam, who wants Rush tickets. They immediately connect on France, miss each other on states beginning with M, recover with the Arch as a St. Louis tourist attraction and seal the deal with the Pacific Ocean. Adam is going to Rush. For once, this show has successfully accomplished something. Then Rizz and Moon attempt to win Babymetal tickets for Paul. They agree on baseball but immediately demonstrate why this game is dangerous when “name an Olympic sport” produces hockey and curling. Dumbbell saves them on gym equipment, but sledding versus skiing and NFL versus MLB finish the job. Sorry, Paul. The Babymetal dream has died at the hands of winter recreation. Rizz and Moon get another chance when Brad wants Violent Femmes tickets, and this time food brings everybody together. Peanut butter and jelly. Sausage pizza. Vanilla ice cream. McDonald’s. Beautiful. Unfortunately, the phrase “healthy breakfast cereal” gives us Grape-Nuts, a cereal the show describes with all the enthusiasm normally reserved for eating landscaping material. Somehow that leads to confessions about demolishing boxes of Lucky Charms and Corn Pops, including the dangerous cycle of adding cereal because you have leftover milk, then adding milk because you have leftover cereal, until the box is empty and you're sitting alone with your shame. This is the nutritional guidance you expect from The Rizzuto Show. Then comes the final pair of Rush tickets. Kyle chooses Lern and Devon, setting up an alleged generational showdown between a 41-year-old and a 30-year-old. Things immediately become catastrophic. “Name a superhero.” Superman. Wonder Woman. Oh no. “Name a Disney animated movie.” The Little Mermaid. Bambi. OH NO. At this point, Kyle is watching his Rush tickets disappear in real time while Patient Zero starts sniffing around the wreckage. But then something happens. Monopoly. Netflix. Instagram. Three straight matches. THE COMEBACK IS COMPLETE. Kyle is going to Rush, Lern and Devon have successfully bridged the generational divide, and feminism survives another morning. This daily comedy masterpiece could have ended there, but Candlebox still needs somebody to believe in them. Justin chooses Rizz and Devon for the final game, with Candlebox tickets waiting at the finish line. They match immediately on guitar. Then rock. Things are looking suspiciously competent. Naturally, it cannot last. Asked to name a famous rock band from the 1980s, Devon goes with Mötley Crüe while Rizz lands elsewhere, launching an argument over what exactly qualifies as an “’80s band” and whether Rush counts just because Moving Pictures came out in 1981. Then comes the holiday-song disaster. Devon chooses Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Rizz chooses “Jingle Bells.” Suddenly we're debating whether the most obvious Christmas song is determined by history, kindergarten classrooms or how aggressively Mariah Carey emerges from hibernation every November. It all comes down to one final question: Name something you find on a desk. The obvious possibilities are endless. Computer. Stapler. Tape dispenser. Mouse. Rizz and Devon? Pen. LAMP. “There will be no Candlebox today.” Brutal. Along the way, the crew also defends Candlebox’s honor, remembers their early Pointfest days, argues about cereal, discusses the Raygun breakdancing documentary, makes questionable winter-activity suggestions and repeatedly proves that knowing someone for years does not mean you have any clue what word is about to come out of their mouth. That’s the beauty of “Just the Two of Us.” The questions aren't difficult. The people answering them are. This episode is daily comedy at its most beautifully unnecessary: great concert tickets, easy questions, terrible instincts, miraculous comebacks, wounded callers and an astonishing amount of emotional investment in whether two adults can independently write down “McDonald’s.” Come for the Rush tickets. Stay for Grape-Nuts, Candlebox justice, the generational mind meld and the desk lamp heard ’round St. Louis. Follow The Rizzuto Show → linktr.ee/rizzshow for more from your favorite daily comedy show. Connect with The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast online → 1057thepoint.com/RizzShow. Hear The Rizz Show daily on the radio at 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio in St. Louis, MO. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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