The Rizzuto Show | Daily Comedy Podcast
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DAILY PODCAST: My Credit Is Fantastic | The Rizzuto Comedy Show
The crew survived AC/DC and Foo Fighters in St. Louis, although several functioning eardrums may have been left behind at the Dome. Today’s show begins with Lern, Rafe and the gang breaking down the concert experience, including Foo Fighters battling the acoustics, AC/DC proving that age is apparently just a number when you’re powered entirely by guitar riffs, and Brian Johnson and Angus Young somehow having more stamina than half the people in the crowd. Rafe admits he may have permanently sacrificed part of his hearing for rock and roll, which feels less like a medical diagnosis and more like the official AC/DC ticket upgrade. Then there’s the crowd itself. Light-up devil horns. Cigarettes. Vapes. Kids experiencing their first concert. Retired working men desperately trying to make it back from the bathroom before “Back in Black.” People leaning on strangers. People recording everything. Basically, tens of thousands of humans gathering together to demonstrate why assigned seating remains one of society’s most ambitious experiments. Rafe even goes from being furious about a guy vaping near him to becoming spiritually invested in the man’s ability to blow vape clouds along with AC/DC. Thunderstruck changes people. Unfortunately, surviving the concert only gets Rafe to his next challenge: McDonald’s. The late-night order includes nuggets, a Quarter Pounder specifically ordered without onions that arrives absolutely loaded with onions, and barbecue sauce that simply never materializes. The restaurant may technically have been open, but emotionally? Nobody involved was open. Thankfully, the emergency ten-piece nuggets came through and “put Daddy to bed,” which is probably the strongest endorsement McDonald’s will receive today. And because this funny podcast refuses to behave like a normal entertainment program, the conversation keeps finding increasingly ridiculous places to go. The crew debates a viral claim involving an MMA fighter supposedly willing to fight a chimpanzee for a massive payday — an idea everyone immediately recognizes as either fake, catastrophically stupid, or possibly both. This naturally turns into gorilla encounters, terrible survival strategies, tranquilizer darts and the general reminder that humans occasionally have way too much confidence. Then comes the kindergarten rumble, because apparently even the smallest members of society are bringing chaos to the program. The next segment kicks off with some truly impressive St. Louis mail drama. A local postal worker is facing federal charges after allegedly dumping roughly 30,000 pieces of mail over a two-year stretch instead of delivering them. That immediately sends the crew down the rabbit hole of missing bills, late fees, surprise snail mail and Rizzuto reminding everybody that his credit is fantastic. Congratulations to him. Everybody stand up and applaud the FICO score. Next up: an Amazon delivery driver in Fenton gets the medieval experience nobody selected at checkout when a crossbow bolt travels roughly 100 yards, blasts through the windshield of his delivery van and impales multiple packages while he’s working inside. Somehow, the driver avoids getting hit. The packages? Less fortunate. That leads to Moon remembering the extremely sensible combination of drinking in an Austrian castle and shooting crossbows, Rafe remembering a neighbor who got drunk and fired a crossbow inside his apartment, and everyone wondering exactly how legal backyard archery is when your “target practice” starts entering somebody else’s ZIP code. Naturally, the conversation then arrives at Rizzuto’s personal nemesis: a giant groundhog living next door. The groundhog keeps wandering onto Rizzuto’s property and tormenting his dogs, while everyone else basically sides with the groundhog. Lern names him Justin. Moon suggests the animal may have been there first. Rizzuto reaches full Bill Murray in Caddyshack mode while attempting to figure out what animal control might actually do. At this point, Justin the Groundhog has representation and Rizzuto does not. O.J. Simpson’s 2006 hidden-camera prank show, Juiced, was apparently intended as part of an O.J. comeback attempt, including a prank where Simpson posed as a used-car salesman trying to sell a white Ford Bronco with a fake bullet hole. He joked about the Bronco’s “escapability,” talked about making the vehicle famous and somehow participated in a production where everyone apparently decided subtlety was for cowards. The crew digs into reports that people involved with the production may have had another motive: getting O.J. comfortable enough on camera to potentially say something revealing. Because apparently the history of television still had a few terrible ideas left in the tank. Crap on Celebrities brings even more entertainment gossip, including Ella Langley chasing a huge Billboard record, Tony Iommi remembering his final conversation with Ozzy Osbourne, Kelly Osbourne sharing another mysterious story from her youth, an unreleased early Van Halen demo, Jimmy Kimmel retirement speculation, John Mulaney potentially stepping into Get Smart, and the news that Lori Loughlin is back on the market — information Rafe handles with tremendous professionalism... Meaning none. There’s also Nicolas Cage dealing with a massive sinkhole near his Malibu home, football finally returning, King Scott settling into new-dad duty, the crew scrambling to make their picks, and preparations for another round of Read My Lips. Apparently Quaaludes are back, because society looked around at everything currently happening and decided what we really needed was a pharmaceutical throwback. Reports that methaqualone — better known as Quaaludes or “ludes” — has been making an underground comeback decades after pharmaceutical production disappeared in the United States. That sends the crew straight into stories about the drug’s 1970s reputation, The Wolf of Wall Street, Lern’s bassist Richard remembering the old days in New York, and Rizz casually revealing that he once took what he believes was a Quaalude sometime around 1998 or 1999. How was it? He “lost the evening.” Good review. Very informative. Five stars. Of course, even Rizz admits he has no idea what he actually took, which leads directly to the episode’s only useful public service announcement: no pills, no powders. Please do not go hunting for mystery pharmaceuticals because you heard the idiots on your favorite funny podcast talking about them. Then things somehow wander into Spanish fly, Bill Cosby, gas-station bathroom vending machines, Beavis and Butt-Head and a surprisingly detailed discussion about aphrodisiacs. We started with Quaaludes and ended up investigating an emerald-green blister beetle. Radio is an important medium. Thankfully, it’s finally time to play Read My Lips. The rules are simple: somebody gets put into audio isolation, another member of the show silently gives them a word, and the isolated player has three chances to figure it out by reading their lips. Listeners bet on or against the contestant for prizes. Then Devon steps up and apparently activates a superpower nobody knew she had. She gets “fettuccine.” She gets “smart ass.” Campfire finally gives her some trouble, but that’s only the warm-up. On her next trip into isolation, Rizz gives her “Worcestershire” — a word half the population can’t pronounce while HEARING IT — and Devon gets it. Immediately. At this point, it temporarily becomes an investigation into whether Devon has been secretly reading everyone’s lips for years. She follows Worcestershire by immediately getting “flapjack,” and suddenly Rafe is declaring that they’ve found Neo. Rizz gets his turn and manages to nail “chickenpox,” but “juxtaposition” sends him down a path involving blue jeans, trampolines and “justice of the peace.” Lern battles “burrito” before recovering with “blowtorch” and “horsefly.” Devon comes back for “ragamuffin” and gets impressively close before finally meeting her greatest enemy: the completely ridiculous word “skinflint.” Then comes Rizz’s final performance. His word is “bonehead.” His guesses are not “bonehead.” Things only deteriorate when the next word is “deadbolt,” resulting in guesses that include “tadpole” and one answer that definitely demonstrates why lip reading should never be used as sworn testimony. By the end, Devon has established herself as the show’s lip-reading legend, multiple listeners walk away winners, Rizz has discovered several new words that were never actually being said, and we’ve squeezed an unreasonable amount of chaos into less than half an hour. It’s games, ridiculous stories, sarcastic humor and Rizz and the gang doing what they do best: taking something incredibly simple and making it unnecessarily complicated. In other words, another perfectly functional episode of your favorite funny podcast. Follow The Rizzuto Show → linktr.ee/rizzshow for more from your favorite daily comedy show. Connect with The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast online → 1057thepoint.com/RizzShow. Hear The Rizz Show daily on the radio at 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio in St. Louis, MO. Foo Fighters Setlist at The Dome at America's Center, St. Louis AC/DC Setlist at The Dome at America's Center, St. Louis MMA Fighter Makes the Craziest Challenge in Sports History... Claims He's Fighting a Chimpanzee St. Louis postal worker accused of dumping 30000 pieces of mail Crossbow arrow flies 100 yards, hits Amazon van O.J. Simpson's prank show 'Juiced' exposed in new doc with unseen footage See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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