The Rizzuto Show | Daily Comedy Podcast
The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast | 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio | Gamut Podcast Network
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Coffee Orders & Childhood Trauma: A Brew-tiful Mess
Things start surprisingly deep when Lern talks about listening to Rafe’s appearance on The HoneyDew, where he discussed difficult experiences from childhood and finding comedy in darker moments. He explains the idea of turning life’s lowlights into highlights, everybody agrees that nobody escapes childhood completely unscathed, and for one fleeting moment this sounds like a mature conversation between emotionally intelligent adults. Then Moon asks what everyone puts in their coffee. So much for that. Turns out King Scott likes his coffee like he likes his women... According to former Starbucks professionals, black-coffee drinkers might enjoy torturing themselves, caramel macchiato fans barely want coffee at all, vanilla-latte people play it safe, Frappuccino drinkers are basically ordering milkshakes, matcha people might be doing it for the aesthetic, and macchiato drinkers know exactly what they want—and apparently want the barista to know that they know. Then Rafe introduces the concept of a “bro drive-thru” serving pre-workout instead of coffee, because apparently this funny podcast is also an incubator for business ideas nobody should finance. Speaking of decisions nobody should finance, Shake Shack has a limited-edition Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup shake featuring vanilla custard, peanut butter, fudge, a crackable chocolate shell, whipped cream, Reese’s cups and Reese’s Pieces. The damage? A completely reasonable and emotionally stable 1,900 calories with 158 grams of sugar. That sends the crew spiraling into their own hall of fame of caloric atrocities. Moon remembers casually annihilating an entire package of Double Stuf Oreos during his gaming days—potentially somewhere around 2,700 to 3,500 calories. Lern admits she could take down an entire gooey butter cake. And suddenly everyone is remembering the beautiful years when metabolism was magic and nutritional labels were merely decorative stickers. From there, Domino’s new Detroit-style pizza promotion sparks the important question our Founding Fathers were apparently too cowardly to answer: What belongs on the Mount Rushmore of fast food? McDonald’s fries enter the conversation. So does the Wendy’s Frosty, Taco Bell’s spicy potato soft taco, the Frisco Melt, Lion’s Choice, Dairy Queen onion rings, Rally’s fries, Del Taco, Freddy’s and more. Nobody reaches a universal consensus because democracy has failed once again. Things somehow become less appetizing when the crew discovers a Walgreens three-in-one product described as a douche, enema and water-bottle combination system. There are some household products where “multipurpose” is a selling point. This may not be one of them. The show then gets into a study suggesting men have a complicated relationship with dieting, including the idea that some men may respond better to “goals” and “challenges” than the word “diet.” Rafe offers his own theory after seeing wildly confident dudes criticize women online while looking, in his words, like a thumb melting into a suit. Poetry remains alive in St. Louis. And because the current calendar apparently isn't irritating enough, Moon brings up a viral proposal to replace our 12 months with five beautiful 73-day monstrosities: Jebruary, Maple, Jaugust, Socktober and Nissember. Is a 73-day Jaugust horrifying? Absolutely. Are we intrigued by Socktober? Unfortunately, yes. We also discover that plenty of Americans apparently aren’t sure what Labor Day celebrates, leading to the much more useful Rizz Show explanation that it exists so all pregnant women can give birth on the same day. Please do not cite us in an academic paper. Then Tupac conspiracy content leads into a survey asking whether Americans believe they could successfully fake their own deaths. Younger adults are more confident. Older adults have apparently lived long enough to understand that the IRS, prescription refills and bill collectors are undefeated. Finally, a high-school football season gets canceled amid an investigation into alleged misconduct at a football camp, leaving Moon to read a phrase from the reports on morning radio enough times that everyone involved should probably receive hazard pay. Coffee psychology. Childhood trauma. Reese’s shakes. Oreos. Fast-food Mount Rushmore. Dieting. Socktober. Labor Day. Fake deaths. High-school football chaos. That is Episode 101 of The Rizzuto Show—and somehow the funny podcast survived all of it. Follow The Rizzuto Show → linktr.ee/rizzshow for more from your favorite daily comedy show. Connect with The Rizzuto Show Comedy Podcast online → 1057thepoint.com/RizzShow. Hear The Rizz Show daily on the radio at 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio in St. Louis, MO. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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