Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast
Leslie Cohen-Rubury
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Understanding Trauma, Shame and Chronic Invalidation with Special Guest Lorie Ritschel
In today’s episode, Leslie speaks with special guest, Dr. Lorie Ritschel, a board-certified dialectic behavior therapist, and discusses the impact of chronic invalidation, trauma and shame in regards to both parents and children. Lorie emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing shame in children, noting that parents often underestimate its punishing effects. She explains DBT-PE, a treatment that combines dialectical behavior therapy with prolonged exposure to treat trauma. Time Stamps 4:22 Defining Trauma - Criterion A and Traumatic Chronic Invalidation 9:00 and 11:26 Trauma Treatments - DBT-PE and CPT You are working to create corrective learningTrauma treatment is really tough, its like psychology Iron ManIn vivo exposures - learning to do the things that are hard for you to doImaginal exposures - where you talk about the traumaProcessing - what can you learn from your exposures and how can you shift your perspective14:00 Discussing the emotion of Shame 14:40 Parents are part of creating the internal dialogue of emotions within their child and they have the ability to impact their child’s understanding of emotions 16:20 Parents underestimate how punishing shame is to a child 17:05 Discussion on being how to be reinforcer of behaviors and punisher of behaviors by matching the intensity of your child’s behavior 18:05 Some kids go into a shame spiral and others don’t. DON”T make assumptions about your child 19:24 Examples of implicit and explicit learning 20:55 When shame is very visible in your child - If a child hides their face or hides under coversThey say “I’m bad”You can use the line “can you give yourself permission to make a mistake?” 21:21 Watch out for the quiet child who internalize their emotions 22:14 Create a framework in your home to talk about emotions 22:50 High, Low, Buffalo Game - a great substitute for “how was your day at school” 25:25 The benefits of Observational learning 26:38 Discussion of Invalidation for the neurodivergent child 28::43 Other examples of ways parents can invalidate their child 31:00 Having a trusted adult to speak to is key for a child who feels invalidation from their differentness Leslie-ism: When expressing disappointment to your child, a light touch is enough. Resources: Lorie Ritschel’s Website: Triangle Area Psychology Clinic (TAP) E-Learning Courses through the TAP clinic How to use High Low Buffalo Conversation Starter Trauma resources DBT-Prolonged Exposure Trauma TreatmentCognitive Processing Treatment (CPT) For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by
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