Alonement
Francesca Specter
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Anita Bhagwandas: Finding a Social Balance When You Live Alone
My guest this week is Anita Bhagwandas, an award winning beauty director, and more recently the author of Ugly: Giving Us Back Our Beauty Standards, a book that examines the damaging impact of narrow beauty ideals and serves as a brilliant manifesto towards a more inclusive attitude. The book explores the importance of practising self care on your own terms, not what the beauty industry tells you - something Anita knows a lot about after 15 years in the industry. Anita also lives alone in London, like me, and we discuss the creative joys of cooking for one, getting to plan a week that perfectly balances quiet night doing laundry with going out to gigs with friends - something Anita loves – plus an honest discussion of why getting flaked on can affect you much harder when you’re single or live alone. Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device. Takeaways Alone time preferences can vary from person to person, and it is important to find a balance that works for you.Self-care is not about buying things or following trends; it is about understanding what truly nourishes and rejuvenates you.The commodification of self-care has led to a misconception that it requires expensive products or activities, when in reality, it can be as simple as taking a few minutes for yourself.It is important to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs to others, especially when it comes to making plans and canceling.Cooking for oneself can be an act of self-care, and it is important to challenge the notion that it is not worth it to cook for one person. Don't just follow beauty trends or societal expectations, choose makeup and beauty routines that bring you joy and creativity.Alone time can be an escape from beauty standards and an opportunity to embrace your natural self.Choose what beauty work brings you joy and let go of the tasks that feel tedious or unnecessary.Journaling and checking in with yourself can be a valuable practice for self-reflection and self-care.Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Speed Friending 02:14 Being Good at Time Alone 03:10 Introverts and Only Children 05:39 Alone Time During the Pandemic 08:05 Journalist Mode in Social Situations 11:12 Solo Hobbies 15:31 Changing Relationship with Alone Time 18:04 The Myth of Self-Care 27:57 Counteracting Myths Around Self-Care 32:30 Navigating External Reinforcement of Self-Care 35:08 Overcoming Only-Me-ism in Cooking 36:45 The Joy of Cooking and Makeup 38:20 The Danger of Makeup as a Tool to Hide 39:17 Rediscovering the Joy and Creativity of Makeup 40:30 The Solo Process of Makeup and Self-Criticism 41:35 Cooking for Yourself vs. Cooking for Others 43:58 Escaping Beauty Standards in Alone Time 44:49 Choosing What Beauty Work to Enjoy 47:25 Picking and Choosing What Makes You Feel Good 48:21 Alonement: Journalling and Checking In with Yourself 49:36 The Joy of Writing in a Nice Notebook You can follow Anita Bhagwandas' Substack at anitabhagwandas.substack.com, and mine at francescaspecter.substack.com With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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