Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes
Alex Alexander
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Gossip in Friendship: Is It Really as Bad as Everyone Says It Is?
Does talking about one person to another make you a bad friend? For quite some time, I’ve been considering the role of gossip in friendship. I’ve reflected on my own patterns and beliefs, and I’ve thought hard about where I’ve pushed the boundaries. My goal in this episode is to get to the root of gossip and the role it plays in relationships. I dive into some research about the history of gossip and include some guidelines I use in my personal life. I don't think you need to feel guilty every time you talk about someone; guilt just makes us second-guess very normal, necessary human conversations. But I do think we can get a little more intentional about how we use gossip so that it serves rather than harms our connections. In this episode you’ll hear about: The history of the word “gossip” – what it used to mean, who it referred to, and when it became associated with women’s social circlesThe rebranding of gossip as derogatory, and modern social scientists’ more neutral definition of gossipDifferent ways gossip can be useful, including processing confusing or painful situations and reality checkingMy own personal questions and guidelines for deciding whether it’s OK to talk about a friend to another friend, including the outcome test and the audience test Resources & Links Listen to Episode 99 about individualism in friendship with James Richardson. Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
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