Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes
Alex Alexander
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Gossip in Friendship: Is It Really as Bad as Everyone Says It Is?
Does talking about one person to another make you a bad friend? For quite some time, I’ve been considering the role of gossip in friendship. I’ve reflected on my own patterns and beliefs, and I’ve thought hard about where I’ve pushed the boundaries. My goal in this episode is to get to the root of gossip and the role it plays in relationships. I dive into some research about the history of gossip and include some guidelines I use in my personal life. I don't think you need to feel guilty every time you talk about someone; guilt just makes us second-guess very normal, necessary human conversations. But I do think we can get a little more intentional about how we use gossip so that it serves rather than harms our connections. In this episode you’ll hear about: The history of the word “gossip” – what it used to mean, who it referred to, and when it became associated with women’s social circlesThe rebranding of gossip as derogatory, and modern social scientists’ more neutral definition of gossipDifferent ways gossip can be useful, including processing confusing or painful situations and reality checkingMy own personal questions and guidelines for deciding whether it’s OK to talk about a friend to another friend, including the outcome test and the audience test Resources & Links Listen to Episode 99 about individualism in friendship with James Richardson. Robin Dunbar’s social grooming research can be found in his book Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language You can find more about Norm talk in this article from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Norm talk and human cooperation: Can we talk ourselves into cooperation? Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! This episode is sponsored by Slowly, a digital pen pal app used by over 10 million people worldwide. If you’ve been looking for a low-pressure way to connect with someone completely outside your normal friendship circle, this is it. Exchange letters at your own pace, no small talk panic required. Download Slowly free and get 30% off Slowly Plus using my link: https://open.slowly.app/miXL/l8ei5iw6 WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look. Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
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