Therapy Gecko

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“I FIST ON THE WEEKENDS”

A caller spends every Friday and Saturday night fist bumping strangers on a street corner for hours. Further call topics include a piss jar, a car filled with wasps, and a cat eating a used condom. Don’t make me turn this car around. I am a gecko.

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  “I WANT TO BE A SPACE PIRATE”

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  “I GHOSTED MY GF”

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  “I’M LOOKING FOR MEANING”

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  “I WALKED ACROSS JAPAN”

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  GECKMAIL: “SHOULD I SHIT ON THEIR FLOOR?”

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  “BEING AN ADULT IS AWFUL”

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  “WE RAN AWAY TO PORTUGAL”

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  GECKMAIL: “I’M CASTING A SPELL ON MY NEIGHBOR”

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  “I’M HOLDING IT TOGETHER FOR MY KIDS”

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  READING VIEWER MAIL (aka ranting alone)

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  OCD AND SKATEBOARDING

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  “I’M ENTERING A NEW ERA”

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  “DRONES HAVE RUINED MY LIFE”

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  THE BENADRYL GNOME

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  “DO YOU EVEN LIFT?”

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  “I WAS JUST BITTEN BY A SNAKE”