The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast
Chris Seiter: Self Help, Relationships, Dating And Sexuality
Podcast
Episodes
Listen, download, subscribe
The Major Mistakes After A Breakup
Today I’m going to show you the eight most common mistakes people make after a breakup. And I brought in the brilliant Coach Shaunna Nicol to help me. Here are the major mistakes, Not Implementing A No Contact Rule Moving On Too Soon Snooping Trying To Get Closure Breaking No Contact Gnatting And Begging Bragging About How Good You’re Doing After The Breakup Not Being Able To Let Go Of The Breakup Let’s dive in a bit deeper on each of these. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz Mistake #1: Not Implementing A No Contact Rule Generally speaking there are a few type of clients that come to us. We have the new clients who’ve never been introduced to our program before. We have the people who have been introduced to our program Each of these types of clients has a unique relationship with the no contact rule. So, for the people who are familiar with our way of doing things, they have no problem implementing a No Contact Rule. That’s not the case for people who are maybe new to our program and don’t really see the No Contact Rule as anything other than a way to manipulate your ex. Yet, every single success story that we have, has used some version of the No Contact Rule, or at least attempted to use some version of the No Contact Rule. So the first major mistake I see people making is not even doing a No Contact Rule. Usually, they have a lot of different reasons for why they’re not willing to do a No Contact Rule. But usually, they all revolve around some version of worry worried of my ex, forgetting about me, or I’m worried of how this will make my ex angry. But I think the No Contact Rule in and of itself gets a bad rap because a lot of the breakup industry only pedals the it will make your ex miss you aspect. And I actually don’t think that’s what makes the ex miss you. So I think it’s kind of like a correlation, not causation type scenario that we had playing out with regards to a no contact rule. So obviously, people who implement a No Contact Rule, they are under the belief that by ignoring their ex for a certain period of time, their ex is going to miss them. But what I’ve actually found through interviewing hundreds of success stories is the exact opposite is true. The No Contact Rule in and of itself, just ignoring your ex doesn’t really help make your ex miss you. It’s actually what you’re doing with that time away from your ex that can help make them miss you. So for our clients that are able to kind of outgrow their ex during that no contact period, I find that they are way more likely to get a positive response when they do eventually get back into contact with their ex. So for me not implementing the No Contact Rule isn’t necessarily the biggest mistake. It’s not implementing the No Contact Rule the correct way. So yes, mistake number one, don’t. Not doing a No Contact Rule essentially, is the mistake. Mistake #2: Moving On Too Soon Okay, so mistake number two would be moving on too soon. So what we discussed was that after a breakup, there are those few people who can’t cope with being alone, they don’t want to be in their own company. So when their ex doesn’t want them back, they’ll immediately go out and find somebody else to be in a relationship with. While it’s technically a rebound, it’s also them not dealing with the way they feel they’re not processing the breakup their emotions, they don’t even start to consider what went wrong in a relationship. Why did that breakup happen? And what do what work do they need to do on themselves. So even though in the program, obviously, we do suggest that you date, it’s just don’t immediately get into another relationship, you’re just filling a void that your ex has made by putting someone else in there and you’re just going to repeat history, and you gotta keep making the same mistakes, repeated relationship breakdown, and probably never actually process any emotions, just ignore them and dismiss them as much as you possibly can. And then, when you want your ex back, you’ve not done any self work. So you’re not really going to get the actual goal which is getting over a breakup. Get back into a healthy relationship, you just end up in the same cycle. Mistake #3: Snooping Okay, so mistake number three is actually snooping on social media. This may not initially seem like a mistake, but I think it is. So Shaunna and I, before we started recording, we were talking about another mistake on our list. And it actually kind of connects with this one. And that is the fact that a lot of times you need to look at breakups as sort of a drug addiction. So when a when a drug addict is going through a withdrawal period, they’re looking for a fix. And so anytime that you’re engaging in any kind of obsession about an x, it kind of just makes the problem worse, you cannot stop focusing on your ex. So Facebook stalking, looking on their Instagram looking Snapchat, I guess tick tock, although I don’t I haven’t heard too much about tick tock in the Facebook group. The point is, if you are not a very disciplined person, and you feel like snooping, on your ex is going to make you want to reach out to them after their breakup. I don’t think it’s worth your effort to do so I think one of the biggest mistakes we see as people who really want to try to move past a breakup, but they’re unable to because they keep engaging in this addiction. They keep feeding it they keep, Oh, I wonder what he or she is up to, oh, no, they’re doing this without me. And then they get upset and it becomes this emotional thing. And it just kind of does not help you move past the breakup. So I think for me if you’re an incredibly undisciplined person, and no, you just won’t be able to help yourself, it might be a good idea to unfollow your ex on social media. And some way not necessarily block them, not necessarily unfriend them. But to try to maybe just like, like, make your password to your social media accounts, super complicated. And then lock it away somewhere and logout so you don’t know how to get in it. Just so that you can take a break and kind of regain composure before you can kind of talk to them again. So anyways, that’s mistake number three snooping. Mistake #4: Trying To Get Closure So, mistake number four, we’ve got trying to get that closure conversation with your ex. So there’s this idea that you need to have that conversation where you talk about the relationship and where things went wrong, and how you could have been better apologizing. But during this conversation with your ex too soon, it’s just an excuse to see them your mindsets more about how can I get him to see me if he can see me and I can tell him I’m sorry. And I know where I went wrong, that you’ll eventually get to the point where you’re going to start wanting to talk about getting back together. And eventually your ex is going to say no, again, because it’s probably straight after the breakup. And you’re going to restart the process of feeling heartbroken all over again. And you’ve not achieved what you want it you haven’t got closure, new upset, because your ex still doesn’t want to get back together with you, which is what’s leading to the other point that we’re going to talk about later, which is the begging stage. Mistake #5: Breaking No Contact So yeah, mistake number five, which is breaking the No Contact Rule prematurely. This may not seem like a big deal, because essentially, the rule with the No Contact Rule, assuming you have just like a general situation where you’re doing like a 30 day or 45 day, no contact rule and your ex. What happens is, if you meet, we’re kind of expecting you to break it because most people, I think most people do break it. I think I did some research on that. But I can’t remember off the top my head but Well, I’m just going to operate under the assumption that you’re going to break it well. Generally speaking, when you break it, you just have to start over from the very beginning. But the one thing that never gets talked about by many of our peers in the breakup industry is the fact that the No Contact Rule isn’t like this thing that you can continue to leave go back to and it be the same level of effectiveness. So each time that you’re breaking the No Contact Rule. Let’s say you say hey, I want to do a 30 day no contact rule but you get through a week of it and you contact your ex and you have to start over from the beginning. That’s second time that you have to start over, it’s going to lose a little bit of effectiveness. And each subsequent time this happens, it loses more and more effectiveness. The analogy I often like to use is, it’s kind of like watching a really great movie in the movie theater for the first time, you’re feeling the emotions of that story, to the maximum effect. But if it’s a good movie, you want to go watch it again. So you maybe pay for another ticket, you’ll watch it again. But it’s not as it’s still potent, but it’s not as potent as it was the very first time and each time you’re trying it over and over again, it’s losing a little bit of a of its potency. So breaking the No Contact Rule one time, we’re kind of expecting to happen that’s sort of built into the system, but breaking it five times, breaking it six times, it’s not going to be as effective anymore, and you’re just harming yourself, assuming you either want to get over your ex, but you’re really harming yourself if you want to get your ex back. So that’s Mistake number five. Mistake #6: Gnatting And Begging So Mistake number six is the gnatting
The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast RSS Feed
