19 Nocturne Boulevard
Julie Hoverson
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The Gift of the Zombi by Julie Hoverson (with a wink and a nod to O. Henry) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week
Ben and Mia, young zombies in love, search for the perfect xmas present in a world of the walking dead. Cast List Mia - Brenda Dau Ben - Derek M. Koch of Mail Order Zombie Geek - Glen Hallstrom Tick - Frankenvox Chuck - Bob Noble Andy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Doris - Julie Hoverson Sheri - Crystal Thomson Ted - J. Spyder Isaacson Voicebox - Beverly Poole Fred & Bob - Big Anklevich & Rish Outfield of Dunesteef Audio Magazine Ben's Double - Danar Hoverson Mia's Double - Julie Hoverson Other zombies: Al Aseoche, Jacquie Duckworth, Reynaud LeBoeuf, Jack Hosley, Sidney Williams, Glen Hallstrom, Bob Noble, Brian Weingartner, Ferguson and family, Robyn Keyes, Kim Poole, Michael Hudson. Music by Jason Shaw (Audionautix.com) Show theme: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an apartment on the wrong side of town, can't you tell?" ******************************************************************************************** GIFT OF THE ZOMBI Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Mia, zombie (20s) dating Ben Ben, zombie (20s) dating Mia Ted, zombie (30s), Mia's horny neighbor Andy, henpecked zombie (40s) Doris, Andy's wife (40s) Geek, a broker (30s) Sheri, a lovelorn friend (20s) Tick, an unscrupulous intact (human, 30s) Fred, a zombie (any) Bob, another zombie (any) Chuck, overseer zombie (any) Voicebox - mechanical translator ALL ZOMBIES (unless noted as exceptions, below) have dual vocal tracks - the "zombie-voice" track, which is unintelligible, but vaguely mirrors the normal voice and events, and the "mind voice" (sounds like a voiceover), which is how they sound to each other. /n = normal"mind voice" /z = "zombie voice" There are places where we only hear the zoombie voice. Exceptions: DORIS has no "mind voice", just incoherent shrieks GEEK only has a zombie voice, but he is clearly understandable, if still zombie-like TICK is human, and has no zombie-voice. NOTE: The zombie apocalypse has come and been dealt with more or less. Zombies might still attack humans, if they see them, but humans tend to live in the walled cities and have become somewhat mythological to the zombies outside. Zombies still are self-aware, but they think and speak so very slowly that they are difficult for humans to understand. Conversely, to a zombie, humans seem to speak incredibly fast - almost incomprehensibly so. That's why humans developed the voicebox to take what they say and slow it down enough for a zombie to understand. OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a crumbling apartment building, can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1. MIA'S APARTMENT SOUND WIND-UP ALARM GOES OFF SOUND FLIES IN THE B/G THROUGHOUT MIA/Z [distant moan of awakening, which continues, sporadically, punctuating the narrative] MIA/n I hate Mondays. SOUND ALARM SLAPPED OFF TABLE, STOPS RINGING SOUND STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS MUSIC VAGUE WARPED CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYS SOMEWHERE MIA/n It doesn’t help that it's two days til Christmas and I haven’t got Ben his present. MIA/z [roar of anger] SOUND SOMETHING CRASHES TO FLOOR, GLASS BREAKS. MIA/N The holidays just bring out the worst in me. SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE MIA/N [sigh] Checking my stitches in the mirror - nice to see nothing weird happened in the night. I love the hot pink against my pale skin. [beat] I know I'm swimming against the tide, but I still like to look nice, even when no one else gives a hang. They're welcome to run around unwashed, in raggedy-ass clothes, just leaves more Prada for me. SOUND SPRAY CAN PSSHT, FLIES STOP, TINY DROPPING NOISES MIA/n A little spray - no water, that's just asking for mold - and I'm ready to face the day. SOUND [under the next] SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS OUT OF BATHROOM AGAIN, STRUGGLES FEET INTO SHOES, NOW SHAMBLING FEET ARE IN HEELS. MIA/n Ben's gift is the big problem. I know what I want to get him, but it won't come cheap. There just aren't that many floating around out there. MUSIC SCENE 2. OUTSIDE SOUND NO TRAFFIC. JUST BIRDS, SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS, OR OCCASIONAL BREAKING THINGS. SOUND STRUGGLE WITH OBJECTS, THINGS FALL AWAY BEN/z [moans, fighting his way to his feet] BEN/n [hungover sounding] Wow, what did I do last night? BEN/z [shake head noise] BEN/n Oh, crap - Mia'll be expecting me-- SOUND SHAMBLING FEET SPEED UP BEN/n For all her persnickityness, Mia is totally the greatest babe around, and I am sooo lucky that I'm the one she's into. I figured for the longest time that she was just slumming with a grot like me - right up until we really did it. Went whole hog and did the handfast. It's like always having a piece of her with me. [note: in this case, the handfast was actually trading hands. zombies can buy and sell body parts and trade them with one another] ANDY/z [morning] BEN/z [yo! How's it going?] ANDY/z [falling moan, ending in a squeal] BEN/n Don't I know it! Man, if ever a guy was whipped, Andy is the poster boy. He's gonna catch hell for not getting home to Doris last night. Almost tempting to stay and see the fray, but meeting Mia is the only thing on my maggoty little mind right now. MUSIC SCENE 3. MIA'S STAIRCASE SOUND BODY FALLS DOWN STAIRS, FOLLOWED BY THE CLATTER OF A SHOE. MIA/z [distraught moan] MIA/n Darn stair carpet. Darn heels. SOUND FEELING AROUND FOR THE SHOE AND PUTTING IT BACK ON MIA/n Alas, vanity doesn't come cheap. Ben loves my little foibles. He understands why it matters so much to me, to be beautiful for him. Looking back at my pink stitches, almost tripping as I crane my neck to see, I wonder whether he will like them as much as I do. SOUND SHAMBLING FEET IN HEELS AGAIN, ANOTHER SET OF FEET COMES ON TED/z [moan approaches, vaguely suggestive] MIA/z [dismissive moan] MIA/n Not today, Ted. I don't have time for any of your nonsense. TED/z [moan ending in a squeak/question] MIA/n I'm with Ben, Ted. You know that. I'm not giving up what I have with him. He has my hand, and my promise. He even has my heart ... just in the old-fashioned way. TED/z [mournful and pissed moan] MIA/n Yeah, yeah, yeah - if you were the last one on earth, maybe. MIA/z [roar/moan as she brushes him aside] SOUND STUMBLING FEET QUICKLY TO DOOR, SLAMS OPEN, TUMBLES THROUGH MIA/z [roar of triumph] MIA/N First time!! [made it on the first try!] This is gonna be a great day! MUSIC SCENE 4. OUTSIDE, NEAR BEN ANDY/z [cursing groan] ANDY/n Come on, Ben. Doris likes you! If I say you needed my help, she'll buy it! BEN/z [dismissive groan] SOUND SHAMBLING FEET MOVING AWAY, STUMBLING AFTER ANDY/z [dude] ANDY/N Dude! Come on-- DORIS/z [distant strident squeal] ANDY/n Oh, crap! SOUND SOMETHING WET SPLATS ON PAVEMENT, THEN DISTANT FEET APPROACHING ANDY/z [strange gurgling warble] ANDY/n [sigh] I lose more tongues that way. DORIS/z [strident squeal, closer] MUSIC SCENE 5. OUTSIDE NEAR MIA'S BUILDING SOUND HIGH HEEL SHAMBLE MIA/z [low moan] GEEK/z [he speaks clear enough to understand, but still zombie-like] [hey, fingers!] MIA/z [quizzical] MIA/n Yeah, what's it to you? GEEK/z [you got any to spare?] MIA/n No! I like mine right where they are. GEEK/z [get you a good price. Fingers are always top value.] MIA/z [sharp moan of anger] MIA/n Look - these five are my boyfriend's, and this one says-- MIA/z [f**k you] GEEK/z [you'll be back [louder] they always come back!!] MIA/n Damn parts brokers - [jealous] always have the best tongues. MUSIC SCENE 6. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE [note: throughout the rest of the show, unless otherwise noted, appropriate zombie noises play under] MIA [calling] Hey babycakes! BEN [off] Yo sweet thang! SOUND PLODDING FOOTSTEPS COME TOGETHER MIA Mm. Missed you! BEN Double that. SOUND DISGUSTING SLOPPY LICKY KISSY NOISES MIA [mild slurp, then hot] You are such a good kisser. BEN Don't know how I'd get up each day without you to look forward to. MIA [giggles] BEN Let's walk. Want to show you something. MIA Oh? Well, I've got a little time before hitting the old treadmill. BEN You know I'd support you if I could-- MIA I like looking after my own needs. [flirting] Leaves you to look after my wants. BEN Ooh! MUSIC SCENE 7. OUTSIDE, NEAR STORE SOUND PLODDING FEET MIA I should have worn more convenient shoes. BEN Sorry! Almost there. MIA What is...it...? [awe] Oh! BEN I thought you might say that. Just saw them. Of course, they're not cheap. MIA [drooling -- zombie noises under get really slobbery] Patent leather, thigh high - oh, I'd never have to take them off! BEN The heels aren't too high, are they? MIA [sigh of ecstasy] I love stacks... MUSIC SCENE 8. OUTSIDE, Later BEN [bummed] I was right, she loved the boots. ANDY And how much did you say they were? BEN More than I've had
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