19 Nocturne Boulevard
Julie Hoverson
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19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week: IDIOT BOX
Sometimes "reality" TV takes it one step too far. Sometimes two steps. Sometimes a flying leap. WARNING: IMPLIED VIOLENCE AND TORTURE Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Announcer - Frankenvox Alison - Beverly Poole Bart - Michael Faigenblum Carl - Mike Campbell Debbie - E. Vickery Ms. Sheldon - Sharon Delong Tanya - Tanja Milojevic Mom - Shayla Conrad-Simms Dad - Reynaud LeBoeuf Son - Eli Nilsson Fred - Joel Harvey Bob - Glen Hallstrom Helen - Helen Edwards June - Shelbi McIntyre Kathy - Kim Poole Additional Voices - Russell Gold; Julie Hoverson Music by Brian Bochicchio (Seraphic Panoply) Show theme: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's right here, right now, can't you tell?" ************************************************************************ IDIOT BOX Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] TV Announcer Alison, chipper Bart, sullen Carl, upbeat, hearty Debbie, nervous, angry underneath Ms. Sheldon, executive producer Tanya, in the sound booth Family - mom, dad, teenage son Bar - Fred, Bob, Helen Dorm - June, Kathy OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's right here, right now, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND THEME MUSIC ANNOUNCER last week, in the record-breaking debut of The Box, we were introduced to our four contestants: ALISON [chipper] I'm Alison, from Santa Monica. Hi, mom! CARL [hearty] Carl, from Atlanta - home of the Cartoon Channel!! DEBBIE [nervous] Debbie, from Salem. Uh, Oregon. [quickly] Salem Oregon. BART [sullen] Bart, Minneapolis [disgusted sigh]. ANNOUNCER The rules are on the screen now for all you viewers out there, to cover the formalities. They are also available on our website at [spelled out superfast] w-w-w-dot-s-k-i-n-n-e-r-i-d-i-o-t-b-o-x-dot-com. AMB FAMILY LIVING ROOM SOUND CHIPS EATEN FROM BAG ANNOUNCER [TV] And after this brief message, we'll show you the results of last week's voting. SOUND CLICK OF REMOTE SOUND POPCORN POPPING IN MICROWAVE MOM [off] You better not have turned that off, hun! SOUND MICROWAVE DINGS DAD Just muted. Sick of all these ads for freaking erectile dysfunction. If anything's going to give a guy man-trouble, it's having to watch all those damn ads. SOUND POURING POPCORN INTO BOWL SON Ew, dad. T-M-I. MOM [coming in, munching popcorn] The one I hate is that smiling guy. His wife just looks so scared all the time. Almost as creepy as the King. SON Am I adopted? Please say yes. DAD Ooops, back on! ANNOUNCER [TV] Did everyone vote? MOM I certainly did! SON Mom? [disgusted noise] Why? ANNOUNCER [TV] The voting is closed, the tabulations have been made, and the scores are coming up on the screen now. MOM [over the announcer] Why not? I want that nice young girl - the blonde - to win. She's very wholesome. ANNOUNCER [TV] And it looks like today Alison has been selected! MOM [satisfied] There! ANNOUNCER We have Alison in the studio now - let's see how she takes it. SOUND LIGHT MUSIC, ON THE TV SEGUES INTO REALITY ANNOUNCER Hello Alison! Say hi to everyone! ALISON Hi! Hi mom! Dad! ANNOUNCER How's the first week been treating you? ALISON This place is great! ANNOUNCER Throughout the show, we'll be showing some of the fun you four have been having. Now, why don't you tell me what you think of your new friends? ALISON Oh, wow - everyone's really great. ANNOUNCER Don't you find Bart a bit... isolated? ALISON He's just self-contained. I'm sure he's a good guy, he just doesn't open up real easily. ANNOUNCER And Debbie? ALISON She's shy - a lot like my sister. Hi Vickie!! ANNOUNCER [chuckles] That's great. ALISON And Carl - well, he's a blast. He's always thinking up great stuff to do. ANNOUNCER Yesterday you had sole access to the Dairy Dan Amusement park. ALISON Oh, man - that was awesome! They closed the gates and we got to ride all the rides all day long - no lines, no crowds! Woo! ANNOUNCER You've been chosen. ALISON Woo! [stumbles] I - What? What? SOUND CONTROL BOOTH ANNOUNCER [TV] Please step into the box. ALISON [TV - gasp, then steels herself] Right. [somewhat bitter] Thanks America. SHELDON That's the shot - tight in on 2, now 3 - yes! Keep her face centered until she shuts the door. TANYA Got it. SHELDON Okay, keep the volume low on that. It's early yet - don't want to wear out the viewers... SOUND [TV] ELECTRIC SHOCK NOISE, SOMEWHAT BRIEF ALISON [TV - short scream] ANNOUNCER [TV] We'll be right back after the break to find out what today's challenge will be. AMB DORM ROOM JUNE Omigod! Omigod! Did you see that? KATHY [distracted] Hmm? No but I sure heard it - did they just do what I think they did? JUNE They just shocked the crap out of the blonde chick! KATHY Was there actually crap? JUNE [duh] She was in the box. Shh. It's coming back on. SOUND TV TURNS UP ANNOUNCER [TV] We'll be right back with more of The Box after these messages. SOUND SOUND DOWN AGAIN JUNE I hate when they do that. KATHY Shock someone? JUNE No, have the logo come up and make you think the show is back on. KATHY Yeah, that's much worse. JUNE You know what I mean! It was totally mean that they shocked her - she's the one who got the most votes! KATHY Isn't that what everyone was voting for? JUNE No! At least, I don’t think so - I mean, I thought it was voting for who would win something cool. I ...voted for her. KATHY You actually voted? JUNE On the website, yeah. KATHY Of course there's a website. Maybe you should read the fine print. JUNE Oh, oh! It's back on! Jeez, look at her poor hair! SOUND TV UP ANNOUNCER [TV] Back to the interview room, to hear from Alison. ANNOUNCER [real] Before we go on, I need to point out, this is the only time you can choose to leave the show. Are you prepared to stay? ALISON [gulps, then quiet] Yes. [clears her throat, louder] Yes. [very shaky] That wasn't so bad. ANNOUNCER Excellent. Now I believe you recently graduated from college, Alison. What did you get your degree in? AMB BAR ALISON [TV] I'm a liberal arts major, with a minor in art history. FRED So she's unemployed, eh? ANNOUNCER [TV] And you are engaged to be married? BOB Too bad. All the cute ones are taken. Even with that weird hairdo. SOUND TV SWITCHED TO SPORTS FRED Hey, we were watching that! HELEN Why? It's awful, letting them mess with people on TV like that! FRED [scornful] It's not real. BOB Course it is - it even has a website! HELEN Puh-leez. Lots of things have websites that aren’t real. BOB Name one. HELEN Pamela Anderson's boobs. FRED She got you there, pal. BOB C'mon - just switch it back long enough to see what today's challenge is? Please? HELEN Ya big softie, you. SOUND TV CHANGES BACK ANNOUNCER [TV] Carl, you got the second most votes this week - Do you have anything to say to the viewers at home? Obviously you're doing something right, to get so many votes. CARL [TV] I think it's just my sunny personality, Bob. People like winners, and I am a winner. AMB LIVING ROOM SON Weiner. MOM Language! SON [dismissive noise] Doesn't that dipstick know that most votes gets zapped? DAD Maybe he doesn't - they might not tell THEM everything, either. Makes sense. Why else would they be so excited? SON But that sucks! That sucks big time! Here they are, trying to be all cool and get people to vote for them, and they're like masterminding their own torture or something. DAD It's just a game, No one really gets hurt. MOM Well, I was kind of upset that Alicia-- SON Alison. MOM Yes, that she got shocked. I didn’t know that voting for her would do that. I kind of feel bad now. SON Well, don't vote for her next time. MOM I certainly won't! ANNOUNCER [on TV] Well, we've spoken to two of our four contestants, and the voting is open for the halftime winner. Go on line now or text to-- SOUND TV MUTES, AMB/DORM SOUND COMPUTER KEYS KATHY What are you doing? JUNE Voting. KATHY Vicious much? JUNE No! I - I just don’t want her to have to get shocked again. Damn! It only lets me choose one of those two - not the other guy. KATHY So you want to see him get shocked? JUNE Well, no, but I like him the least. KATHY Just cause you don't think he's cute. SOUND ONE LAST KEY JUNE Um, there. KATHY So who'd you vote for? JUNE The guy - the nice one - of course. I like him, too, but I don't want her to get shocked again. SOUND TV UP AGAIN ANNOUNCER [TV] Regular text messaging fees apply. And now‑‑ SOUND OMINOUS MUSIC ROLLS IN ANNOUNCER [TV, ominous] The moment in the spotlight. Will it be Alison or Carl? The voting closes in three minutes, so hurry up and make your vote count - if the lines are overloaded, make sure and try back - but be quick. [normal] While we wait, let's watch some clips from the preliminary interviews with the other two contestants. MUSIC ANNOUNCER [TV] And what are you studying? DEBBIE [TV] I'm - um - a poli sc
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