The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast
Danielle Black
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102. Everyone has a biggest problem - Why your pain is valid, why staying stuck is a choice, and what it costs both you and your children
In this episode, Danielle unpacks something that comes up constantly in her work with clients: the tendency to invalidate our own pain by comparing it to someone else's. To stay in situations that are harmful - not because we can't leave, but because leaving feels harder than staying. To choose the familiar difficulty, the 'comfortable discomfort', over the unfamiliar one, without ever consciously naming it as a choice. Because here is the truth: everything is hard. Staying is hard. Leaving is hard. Fighting for your children is hard. Giving up is hard. The question is never whether something is hard. The question is which hard you are choosing - and whether that choice is actually serving your children. In this episode Danielle covers: Why "someone always has it worse" is both true and completely irrelevant to your situationThe conflict avoidance trap - why staying stuck can feel safer than moving forward, and what that safety is actually costing youThe "choose your biggest problem" framework - and why naming your choices changes everythingThe difference between feeling your feelings and living inside them indefinitelyThis episode also contains a moment of personal honesty from Danielle about her own experience of suicidal ideation during the hardest period of her post-separation journey - and why she is sharing it. If you have been feeling like your situation isn't bad enough to justify the way you feel, or if you have been waiting for things to get bad enough before you act, this episode is for you. As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please seek support. • Lifeline: 13 11 14 • 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.
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