Based Camp | Simone & Malcolm Collins
Based Camp | Simone & Malcolm Collins
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Canon: The Jedi Are Controlled By A Lying Parasite
Dive into a mind-blowing deep dive where Malcolm and Simone Collins expose the Jedi Order as the ultimate villains of the Star Wars universe! Forget the heroic myths—this episode breaks down how the Jedi are controlled by a parasitic hive mind (midi-chlorians), enforce child kidnapping and soldier training, uphold a dystopian Republic riddled with corruption and slavery, and lie about the true nature of the Force. Drawing from canon lore like The Clone Wars, prequels, and even the Mortis arc, we argue Palpatine was right, Anakin did nothing wrong, and the Empire might actually be the good guys. Plus, real-world parallels to parasites like toxoplasmosis and cultural brainwashing. Is Star Wars secretly a horror story? Buckle up for facts, rants, and a killer outro! Episode Transcript Malcolm Collins: [00:00:00] Simone. I’m excited to be here with you today. Today we are going to be talking about how the Jedi order from the Star Wars universe is quite possibly the most evil organization in any sci-fi universe I have ever read. Simone Collins: They are actual scum. They are actual scum. Malcolm Collins: They are. When you, when you actually think about it, you’re like, oh my God. The Star Wars universe under the Republic was a complete dystopia and the empire was needed. Palpatine was right. So, and, and I, I’m not gonna make stretches here. I’m not gonna bend outside the lore. You’re just gonna stage Simone Collins: facts, Malcolm Collins: the lore of mm-hmm. The Star Wars universe. So. Right. Simone Collins: Okay. Malcolm Collins: They have these symbiotic organisms called MIT chloron. Mm-hmm. Now you could say they’re symbiotic, but they’re really [00:01:00] not symbiotic. They’re more parasitic. , Why do I say that? They’re parasitic rather than symbiotic. Well, because when they reach high enough levels in a host, that host loses their ability to breed. IE the Jedi have to be celibate. And it’s made very clear if you have too high a level of this parasitic inflection. If your mitol count is too high, you deal with extreme negative side effects, or at least this is what those infected with the parasite and who follow its will say extreme negative side effects if you attempt to breed. So this. Parasitic organisms that lives in humanoids. They ha has a hive mind that we call the, the light side of the force that they worship. They have to serve the will of it. By the way, it, it lies to them about its true nature provably in the, the, the Star Wars universe. Oh, Simone Collins: does it? They Malcolm Collins: they have [00:02:00] to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn’t create the force or anything like that. The, the force is, we learned the history of the force and the mortis arc. So it is a. Parasitic hive mind that is lying to them about how it grants them presumably magic like powers. Then they sort the entire society of the universe into a hierarchy based on your level of infection by this parasite. Simone Collins: God, Malcolm Collins: this is, I mean this is just, just any fact. Any Simone Collins: fact, yes. Malcolm Collins: When, when, when they go and they find Anakin. Simone Collins: Oh Malcolm Collins: yeah. Right. They’re like, oh, he has X white chloron count, which means that one day he, he could be one of the most powerful Jedi ever. Mm. Right. I haven’t even gone into the child kidnapping and stuff like that yet, which we will get to. Oh, Simone Collins: child soldiers? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Malcolm Collins: No, no, no. They have literal child soldiers. When Anakin [00:03:00] went in there, and I’ll go, I’ll elaborate on this in more detail, and he killed the young Lings. That was a completely justified thing to do. Within that context, we see those very sane young lings in other shots, and I’m talking about like of the movie, like not even like extended stuff, practicing with light sabers, the single most dangerous weapon in the entire universe. Okay? These are children, Simone Collins: they’re not like broken, not, not, stick swords, but laser. Laser swords. Malcolm Collins: Laser swords, they’re not even paying, was like wooden AK 40 sevens. Now the laser swords are turned down in these Simone Collins: oh, Malcolm Collins: okay. Speaker: Huh? What do you think? I think you finished your lightsaber. Find out. Malcolm Collins: Well we learned that [00:04:00] in, it’s not confirmed in like the movie that they’re turned down. Simone Collins: Oh. Malcolm Collins: But somebody I think realized how bad this looked. Simone Collins: Oh, they’re on safety mode. It’s okay. Malcolm Collins: This is a, a, a parasitic organism that has taken control. Of the entire galaxy. Right? This is Unironically what Jedi Apologists sound like. Speaker 7: Open the door. It is so much better. There’s no fear or pain. It’s beautiful. And you We’ll be beautiful. No problems or worries. We want you. No pain, Stan? We’re gonna come in here and I’ll show you some pain! Malcolm Collins: Like, because it keep in mind the Jedi Act as a secret police force of unelected officials where your entrance into the secret police force you are. Taken as a child raised on their provably wrong ideology that the force should be worshiped. And when you listen to the [00:05:00] little voice in your head that’s created by these parasites, you are doing something definitionally good. And if you go against the little voice in your head created by these, the, the parasitic hive mind, you are doing something definitionally bad, IE or are you saying the Simone Collins: course is toxoplasmosis? Malcolm Collins: The force is toxoplasmosis. Oh my God. And so what we’ll go into in this episode is this entire universe is a universe where toxoplasmosis won over humanity, an abortion death and humanity is, and it’s trying to get us used to this idea as a good thing that it would be a good thing to give your children to the toxoplasmosis people to be raised with their ideology and trained as a child soldier. And when I say trained as a child soldier, you could be like, well, they’re just trained as a child soldier. They don’t actually go out and. Fight and murder people when they’re children. Honey, within Star Lords cannon, Simone Collins: oh, Malcolm Collins: ano. The first time we meet ano on murder missions. By the way, she is 14. [00:06:00] This is treated as completely normal. In the Star Wars universe, if we look at the extended cannon, it appears that children begin to start participating in missions where they might be killed or expected to kill someone at the age of 10. No, this is a war crime. Simone Collins: Well, they, they fit into the small spaces. Malcolm, you have to understand it’s a. Malcolm Collins: Literally that’s part of plots with Padawans is that they can fit in smaller spaces. I think in some of the clone words. Yes. Yes. This is real. By the way, if you’re like, oh, but the children are always taken with consent. One, literally, we know from Canon that this is not true. There is one case in which a child is taken this might be in Legends, but I think it’s canon. I’ll, I’ll confirm later in the episode. But taken from a disaster zone and they weren’t sure if the parents were alive [00:07:00] and oh, then. Brought to the Jedi and raised to the Jedi, and then the mother finds out later and she’s still alive, and she petitions the Jedi and the Jedi refused to give the child back to her saying that now that the force has been quote unquote awakened in the child, it is too dangerous to give the child back to the mother. So when they say stuff like, well, mothers always consent to this, families always consent to this. What the Jedi are doing is they’re basically coming with the trans argument. They say, your kid will be a danger to themselves. They’ll be a danger to society. You know, they could join the dark side and we’ll have to come and put them down. Basically, if you don’t transition, you’ll kill yourself. Like that’s the, that’s what they’re telling them about their kids. So you have to give us the kids. And we also know that. They definitely didn’t always use consent. How do we know that? They definitely didn’t always use consent. Well, this one unfortunately comes from Legends. But if if we wanna go with Canon, you could use acolyte to show that there is coercion used in taking children sometimes. Okay. I [00:08:00] literally view acolyte as less cannon than legends. Simone Collins: Agreed. Malcolm Collins: So let’s go to legends. Simone Collins: Okay. Malcolm Collins: From legends, we know that there was a Hut Jedi. All right. Now, Simone Collins: really? Wow. Malcolm Collins: He turned evil. Ended up ruling a planet for thousands of years. As a sis it’s a story arc, but anyway, Simone Collins: I just feel like huts lack the agility. To Malcolm Collins: wait. I And that’s what made him cool, right? Simone Collins: Am am I spec ra species racist? And this is, Malcolm Collins: so the Simone Collins: thing about Malcolm Collins: huts, if you know anything about the Star Wars can showing my nerd color here, right. Simone Collins: I feel very embarrassed. ‘cause my my literal OkCupid name was Moss Isley and I was. My photos were of me and film grade Stormtrooper Armor, but I was just genuinely using it as a lure to catch dudes. Like, I don’t actually know. There was, what’s also Malcolm Collins: funny about all of this, you hear me crashing out about Star Wars lore right here. I literally haven’t seen the last Star Wars movie because it looks so bad. Yeah. Simone Collins: Well, no, I, to the true fan will not engage with that. Malcolm Collins: I, I haven’t watched any of the, [00:09:00] but if you know huts stuff. Okay. Simone Collins: Okay. Malcolm Collins: Huts are you, you’re not gonna get. For, so first of all, there’s a few problems with taking a hut, youngling. One problem is it a hut 3-year-old, because
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